Love

February 10th has not proven to be an enjoyable date. 15 years ago my Granddaddy passed away, one year ago my Grandma passed away, and I spent this morning at a memorial service for my friend's dad who just passed away due to cancer. Last night, as I was taking her a meal, I was anticipating today and wishing that I could just skip over it. The boys were at home with Shaun, I had the music blasting, and the rain was coming down hard... It was nice to be alone with my thoughts (actually, it was just nice to be alone). I was listening to Kris Allen (last years dreamy American Idol winner) and the song "Live like we're dying" came on... This hit a little too close to home. here are the lyrics:

Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up

We're hiding behind skin that's too tough

How come we don't say I love you enough

Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come

We could make a feast from these crumbs

And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun

So if your life flashes before you

What would wish you would've done

Yeah... gotta start

Lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here

If this is all we got, then we gotta start thinkin

Every second counts on a clock that's tickin

Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 84,400 seconds in a day to

Turn it all around or throw it all away

We gotta tell 'em that we love 'em

While we got the chance to say

Gotta live like we're dying

And if your plane fell out of the skies

Who would you call with your last goodbyes

Should be so careful who we left out of our lives

So when we long for absolution

there'll be no one on the line

Yikes! What if I really was staring down the barrel of a gun or that my plane was about to crash? Who would I be crying out to? The part that hit me the most was, "we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em." What kind of love are we talking about? And who is them? Knowing Kris's background, I figured that he was talking about Christ's love and sharing it with the WHOLE world! Now this is a little overwhelming to me because how am I supposed to get to everyone!? Well, the internet is a good start. Pretty much anyone in the "whole world" can read my blog!

I only ever talk about my boys (who are fast asleep... not fair) but tonight I decided to put my heart on my sleeve and post about another relationship I have.

I joined a group called Bible Study Fellowship (world wide organization) and this years study is on the book of John. I have been completely blown away with how much God loves us! I think about how much I love my little guys and that no love could ever be greater, but it's not true... God loves us so much that he sent his son to this horrible and disgusting earth and to be the ultimate sacrifice so that we could someday live with Him in all His glory. The life we live now is only a blink compared to what is to come. Yet, keep in mind, that what we do with this life depends on where we spend eternity. So why don't I share this wonderful news? Well, the bottom line is that I'm selfish and scared. I get so caught up in my own life so I tell myself that I always have tomorrow. But do I? I also question myself... "what will people think of me?" or "What will I say?" or "What if I don't have all the answers?" OR "Am I living a life that others would even be interested in?"

Being a parent has made this all the more real to me. As I'm teaching Isaac about God's love, he's teaching me about what it means to have child-like faith. Isaac is all about monsters and ghosts lately, which means fighting bed time and then waking up in the middle of the night because he's scared. Instead of yelling at him because I'm beyond tired and frustrated, God has shown me that I need to use this as a "teachable moment." I've told Isaac that Jesus doesn't want us to be scared and that he loves us so much. He is always with us and even gives us friends (like Buzz and Woody) to keep us company when we're scared. Now, before he goes to bed he prays, "Dear God, thank you for my friends and loving me. Amen." When he wakes up he says, "Isaac no be scared, Jesus loves me. Jesus bes with me!" It is the most precious thing I have ever seen. The best part is that he is no longer waking up at night screaming! He is comforted by knowing that he is loved and is never alone. I wish it were that easy for adults.

Well, it is very late now and I can hardly keep my eyes open. I'm hoping that this post is more than a ramble and that it actually makes sense. I guess I'll read over it in the morning and see if I accomplished what I think I set out to do... Good night. Jesus loves you!!!